Stilton's Place

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Taking Leave of Your Census

“This is our child unit, Pumpkin!”

There surely must be stories in which the phrase “a federal district judge has ruled” actually leads to something good, or at least vaguely like justice. But today’s news item is decidely not one of those stories.

Specifically, Judge Jesse Furman has ruled that the Trump administration may not add an outrageously offensive question to the 2020 Census asking, “are you a citizen?” Which, in our opinion, would have saved a lot of time and money by keeping dogs and cats from being interviewed. But noOOooo.

The judge made this ruling because he “infers from the various ways Commerce Secretary Ross and his aides acted like people with something to hide that they did have something to hide.” For instance, they might have been hiding a suspicious desire to know how many actual American citizens there are, or been attempting to get a better grip on the number of aliens who are illegally in the country.

Had the wildly unacceptable question been allowed (which will be reviewed by the Supreme Court once Ruth Bader Ginsburg is again able to cling to her perch and gnaw her cuttlebone) it would have had terrible effects, according to the director of the ACLU’s Voting Rights Project (who is apparently unaware that illegals aren’t supposed to be voting).

“The inevitable result,” he said, “would have been to strip federal resources and political representation from those needing it most.” In other words, the Left wants illegals to maintain the same access to taxpayer-funded benefits and political representation that citizens have…essentially making citizenship itself meaningless.

Whether or not that’s the future we want for our country is worth discussing…but as usual, it’s a discussion the Left wants to make sure has no reliable facts about which to argue.

BONUS: BULLY SHTICK

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In an absolutely jaw-dropping advertising gaffe, Gillette razors has been running a spot in which they basically accuse all men (formerly their target market) of being ignorant, sexist, skirt-chasing thugs and bullies, guilty of “toxic masculinity” during this enlightened #MeToo era.

Really, Gillette?!

There’s a message worth delivering about real men not being rapists, bullies, and all-around assholes, but like candidate Hillary Clinton, Gillette chose to call all men Deplorables. Except, of course, for those Gillette-approved pajama boy types who intercede to tell their neanderthal friends that it’s “not cool” to show that you’re attracted to a woman, and a bad idea to stand idly by as a gang of feral boys beat the living crap out of another kid who looks like a little boy, but whose gender we don’t want to assume out of fear of traumatizing him/her/it.

The imagery in the commercial includes a “Stepford Husbands” row of toxic men in a suburban back yard, standing shoulder to shoulder behind their evil, smoke-emitting grills as animal meat sizzles menacingly…soon to become testosterone-fuel coursing through the veins (sometimes dangerously remaining in certain veins for four hours or longer) of a nation of grunting, hirsute, brutal man-beasts eternally cursed by their possession of a Y chromosome.

Having had a long career in advertising, we find ourselves wondering how in Hell any overpaid ad exec (and teams of testers) thought the way to sell razors to men was by insulting them? Seriously, you don’t see “Summer’s Eve” running commercials telling women not to be vicious, overly-emotional harpies who should – oh yeah! – buy more lemon-zesty douche products.

Which is why the ad isn’t really intended to rein in sexists and bullies at all, but is rather a crass and commercial appeal to neutered social justice warriors who enjoy seeing the unwarranted slander of one of nature’s two favorite genders.

Our bottom line: toxic masculinity is a lot less of a threat to our culture than toxic emasculation. We don’t need Gillette’s razor to tell us that; Occam’s will do nicely.

Posted byStilton Jarlsbergat12:01 AM