President Obama has signed an Executive Order (EO) banning the use of the word “bathroom.” Starting on May 1st, 2016 all federal agencies and federal employees will now use the word “outhouse.”
In a press release the White House Office of the Press Secretary states:
President Obama is concerned that the transgender (i.e. gender confused) community will not be able to use bathrooms in states such as North Carolina. He has therefore in the name of inclusiveness required all federal agencies to use the word outhouse when referring to places where people relieve themselves.
Outhouse is gender neutral and best describes how the LGBT community has struggled to ‘come out.’
The president believes that this is an important issue for all Americans, more so than fighting the Islamic State, the economy, jobs and the growing national debt.
When asked by this reporter what impact this EO will have on the White House, Press Secretary Josh Earnest replied, “We will now be calling the White House the Out House, for obvious reasons.”
LGBT Spokesman, and former star of Star Trek, George Takei noted, “Those of us who have ‘come out’ fully embrace President Obama’s decision. As the first gay president, we find the work he has done to embrace the LGBT community stimulating, no pun intended. For those of us who are gender confused we will visit the Out House and thank President Obama personally.”
Hillary Clinton at a campaign stop said, “I look forward to occupying the Out House on January 20th, 2017. Bill, the first black president, and I know how to put America back on track using our gender neutral policies. We are LGBT proud of what the president has done!”
The Donald Trump campaign responded to this executive overreach in a short statement:
Americans are not gender confused, if anything Americans are gender realists who embrace science, biology and genetics.
It’s time to cleanup the Out House and Make America Great Again, where men are men and women are women.
God, guns and gender rule!
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in the Bed, Bath and Beyond Gender magazine.
Utah Standard News depends on the support of readers like you.
Good Journalism requires time, expertise, passion and money. We know you appreciate the coverage here. Please help us to continue as an alternative news website by becoming a subscriber or making a donation. To learn more about our subscription options or make a donation, click here.
To Advertise on UtahStandardNews.com, please contact us at: firstname.lastname@example.org.