Well, this is the time of year when half of our country is tripped by the other half. I’m talking about Christmas, of course. I can’t begin to imagine how emotionally shattering it must be to have someone’s highly certifiable partisan safe space invaded by the good-will of others in such an in-your-face display of celebration and cheer. Oh, the poor wuddle oppressed hypocrites. So, with great respect for everyone’s feelings, I will attempt to convey, in the most humane, innocuous, unoffending and sapless way possible, for me anyway, my wishes for the season.

Holiday Greetings To All Of My Liberal Friends: Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious or secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country, nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. This wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

To All My Conservative, Republican & Libertarian Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
In God We Trust and God Bless America.