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In what’s being touted as an historic event, the Man Who Lives in Biden’s Basement addressed a group of 3,000 people during a Muslim American Advocacy event to solicit their votes in November.

Biden spoke passionately about Islamaphobia, the need for a Palestinian state (“Maybe Idaho”), and the enormous contributions of Muslims in fighting the coronavirus pandemic – presumably by ordering their women to keep their faces covered for another thousand years.

Perhaps thinking fondly of the black children who so loved to stroke his leg hairs, Biden said: “I wish, I wish we taught more in our schools about the Islamic faith. What people don’t realize is…we all come from the same root here.” He then started chuckling, wiggling his eyebrows, and repeating “come from the same root” Beavis & Butthead-style until his chair was kicked from offscreen.

While Biden didn’t make many actual policy statements, nor prove he was wearing pants, he was very clear about one thing: “If I have the honor of being president, I will end the Muslim ban on Day One. Day One.

We assume that, in Joe’s mind, he means that Muslims will finally be able to use the same Ban (or any deodorant of their choice) that other Americans use.