Friday, August 31, 2018

Labored Day

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In the time it takes Charlie to wonder if it’s safe to say “Quit monkeying around,” his co-worker’s noggin is chopped off.

We’re taking a somewhat relaxed approach to the blog today in part as an early start to Labor Day weekend, but mainly because we’re on an anti-allergy medication which is making us even more brain-dead than usual. Then again, maybe it’s the “news” itself that’s to blame.

Among the allegedly big stories are the ongoing observations of John McCain’s death, and catty discussions of who has or hasn’t been invited to his funeral. Full disclosure: despite our high profile in the nation’s alternate media, we weren’t invited to the funeral – perhaps owing to our frequent references to Senator McCain as “chipmunk cheeks.”

In Florida, a white gubernatorial candidate with a black opponent (who happens to be a wild-eyed anti-Trump, anti-ICE, Bernie Sanders socialist) is being accused of blatant, howling racism after warning voters “don’t monkey this up.” Sadly, this is the sort of thing that happens when a politician wants to tell voters “don’t f*ck this up” but then tries to ad-lib a more family-friendly word. The lesson, for anyone who needs one, is that it doesn’t really matter what you say to or about a liberal – they will be offended.

Almost not in the news, unless you happen to be looking at Fox News under an electron microscope, is the story that Hillary Clinton’s infamous private server was very likely hacked by the Chinese, who not only got every one of her emails but actually got her correspondence in real time owing to malware they put on her unprotected computer. Apparently authorities have been aware of this for years, but somehow no public declaration has been made about her compromising every top-secret document she ever laid her claw-like hands on. Unsurprisingly, the FBI has denied any possibility that this could be the case, because serial liar and Clinton butt-plug Peter Strzok says he personally checked it all out and everything was peachy.

In the entertainment industry, the upcoming film “First Man,” about Neil Armstrong’s amazing journey to the moon, is generating a lot of positive critical buzz…but also a bit of controversy. Why? Because in this socially conscious update, upon reaching the moon, the Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin characters don’t put an American flag on the moon.

The scene was deliberately omitted to indicate that the achievement “transcended countries and borders.” Or, in the petulant words of Barack Obama regarding other American accomplishments: “you didn’t build that.”
Frankly, the film now sounds like it transcends our need to see it.

“That’s…one…small step…for man…one giant leap…for…obfuscating history.”

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend, celebrate safely, and we’ll see you back here on Monday!