Further Kavanaugh crimes brought to light: jaywalking

Washington, DC – Supreme Court Justice Nominee Brett Kavanaugh is in hot water again over another decades-old claim of lawlessness: this time for jaywalking. Retired DC Police Sergeant William Gortronski recently sent a confidential letter detailing the allegations to Senator Cory Booker, who immediately made the information public in what he self-described as “…yet another ‘I am Spartacus’ moment.”

The letter provides a detailed account of the circumstances leading up to the crime:

I was off duty at the time resting on the patio of a nearby pastry store, and clearly saw a young man crossing between adjacent signals and not in a designated crosswalk. I was off duty, but driving a squad car at the time. I quickly ran to it and called for backup. I then proceeded to give chase on foot, but lost him in a crowd. After questioning several witnesses, I was not able to ascertain his name, but I’m sure it was him now that I’ve seen his photograph recently on the news. I would testify under oath it was him. That crime has haunted me all these years. I still remember his smug face, it was as if he didn’t care one bit about obeying our pedestrian traffic laws. I have no proof, but he clearly looked like someone who had done this before and I was terrified he would strike again.

The alleged offense occurred in 1983 when the accused was 18 years old and could have been charged as an adult. Jaywalking is a serious crime, punishable by arrest and up to a $20 fine in the metropolitan DC area.

In an interview on CNN, Princeton Law Professor Harold Bunknick noted that “this information just further illustrates the dark personality of the young Brett Kavanaugh – a pattern of crime and hostility to order and everything decent. It sickens me that he went on get to a JD from Yale and become a judge himself.”

The FBI has already started investigating the matter and his nomination is on hold while the charges are looked into. Several leaked documents appear to show there may be additional jaywalking charges stemming from this period of Mr. Kavanaugh’s life, and a possible federal racketeering charge stemming from a 1985 incident, in which he allegedly led an entire gang of criminal jaywalkers crossing against a ‘Don’t Walk’ signal.

There is some speculation that the crime dramatized in the May 15, 1993 edition of America’s Most Wanted, entitled “The DC Serial Jaywalker,” is likely Mr. Kavanaugh.