China is ruled by one of the greatest governments on earth, which has crushed all opposition to its authority and has built a substantial economy. Everyone living under their regime has a deep appreciation of the government for keeping unqualified masses away from democracy.
China also has mixed feelings about Donald Trump. On the one hand, the Chinese government sees super-rich and successful Trump as one of their own, but on the other hand, it hates Trump as a privileged white male with a capitalist and protectionist agenda. This causes them to seek ways to join George Soros and Glenn Beck in funding campaigns against the Republican front-runner, which should teach everyone a thing or two about the trustworthiness of democracy.
Putting these facts together, experts at the Karl Marx Treatment Center have concluded that the Chinese space program in the Western hemisphere is timed to the U.S. elections as a backup plan, in case all other efforts to stop Trump do not succeed. Chinese space scientists have calculated that if The Donald continues to move towards the nomination at the current accelerating speed, some extra effort on their part can help Trump to break the Earth’s gravitational pull and fly away to the outer limits of our galaxy.
Some astronomers have expressed concern, however, that if this plan succeeds, Trump’s presence in outer space may destabilize the established status quo in the Universe, reorganizing the visible stars and constellations to spell the word “Trump” in gigantic letters across the night sky.
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Hammer and Loupe originally appeared in The Peoples Cube.
Utah Standard News depends on the support of readers like you.
Good Journalism requires time, expertise, passion and money. We know you appreciate the coverage here. Please help us to continue as an alternative news website by becoming a subscriber or making a donation. To learn more about our subscription options or make a donation, click here.
To Advertise on UtahStandardNews.com, please contact us at: firstname.lastname@example.org.