Hillary: “Imagine if he was using a silencer!”

Christmas came early this year for connoisseurs of hilariously stupid journalistic malfeasance. Specifically when USA Today, an alleged newspaper, sought to educate its readers about the weapon used in the horrific mass-killings in a small Texas church.

That’s about as serious a topic as you can get, so you’d think that serious journalism would be something of a goal for USA Today. But how wrong you’d be!

To add to their audience’s fear of guns and those who wield them (like the hero NRA instructor who used his own AR-15 to end the carnage), the paper released an infographic video on their Twitter feed described as “a look at the gun used in the Texas church shooting.” They then showed the basic gun, then started adding on possible modifications to make in more insanely terrifying, like a bump stock, laser sight, extra large magazine, and…a chainsaw bayonet.

Yep, this is actually what USA Today thinks people should start worrying about

Before you even ask, no – there’s no such thing as a commercially available “chainsaw bayonet,” although there are a few good old boys on Youtube who’ve rigged up dummy (literally) models so they can play “hold my beer” while charging, shooting, and eviscerating enemy pumpkins.

But USA Today would have you believe that ignorant, bible-thumping deplorables can just waltz into Walmart and toss a chainsaw bayonet in the cart along with their Pabst Blue Ribbon, turkey jerky, and environmentally-unfriendly disposable diapers.

Diapers which might actually be better used by the gullible USA Today readers who wet themselves when just thinking about this hybrid killing machine…and perhaps also by the USA Today journalists and editors who chose to indulge in infantile gun fantasies rather than bothering to research actual facts.