Dictionopolis, NY — Experts from the International Guild of Linguists (IGL) have issued a warning that the word “racism” is being used too often in print and speech. They offer convincing evidence that the word itself is becoming worn out and may become completely unusable in the next 20-40 years if utilization continues at the same pace.
The descriptions “threadbare” and “frayed” feature prominently in a 17-page report submitted yesterday to the peer-reviewed journal “Annals of the IGL.” Their report “Analysis of the yearly usage rate of the “R” word” noted that it now appears in almost every article and story produced digitally and in print form. The comprehensive study looked at all English language publishing – fiction and non-fiction – and all subjects from Ancient Armenian Architecture to Zulu Zookeepers: nearly everything appears to be connected somehow to racism.
Figure 9 in the report includes a convincing ‘hockey stick’ shaped graph showing estimates of the usage going back 2,000 years. An alarming increase is evident since the year 1998, which will soon result in what the report calls “the inevitable catastrophe of the world’s first completely worn out word.” Most of recorded history shows the word usage rate in the thousands per year. By contrast, the highest usage on record was in 2020, with more than 80 quadrillion instances. The IGL has also been asking for help from mathematicians to come up with new and higher numbers, in case the world’s governments don’t respond quickly with drastic and concerted action.
They also noted that a few thousand “super-users” are obsessed with the word and appear to be driving this rapid increase. Findings include the revelation that many politicians, college professors, journalists, and sports personalities are using it an average of every 5th word in speech and print.
The report’s primary recommendation is that “Words can withstand a lot of abuse: getting dropped, twisted, stretched – you name it. However, no word in history has seen this level of constant wear and tear for so long. Our strong recommendation is to start talking about other things again.”
ust as The International Guild of Linguini has noted, hyperbole is fine until it becomes hyperbolic. We at the WooHoo Labs are facing this same dilemma. The once beautiful mask, the vaunted destructor of capitalist sales and services, the ruination of freedom inspiring concerts and the exercise of greedy individual choice, have become despised by many through overuse and subsequent lack of oxygen. Unless fear instilling Variants can be dispersed quickly it may not be possible to inhibit not only decadent gatherings at concerts, bars and restaurants, BUT Comrades, the Trump Rallies may resume and be impossible to keep out of Media. This can not be allowed. Trump and the American Economy must remain stifled by the superior viral & psychological warfare of the Righteous Socialists of the World even if we must eliminate 2/3 of the population to accomplish continued victory. Though my Trusty Saw, Rusty revels in the resumed Limb Removals that we have executed on behalf of the State, I must sacrifice and return to the WooHoo Labs for New Variant creation and dispersal. Please refrain from overuse of the R word we must not mention but help us create new variants. Battle in your refrigerator’s, surrender your sanitation, infect and send forth your Pet Party Bats, and inspire fear by continuing to wear your masks. At this time we must starve Racism but Feed our Viruses. Look Forward as Always to next Tuesday and write to Dr. Worddust at the WooHoo Labs in WooHoo China with ideas and new names for the New Variants. Though I long for the simple life with my Trusty Saw, Rusty as a State Certified Dr. of Limb Removal I must forgo these simple pleasures and proclaim to all Comrades, “All for WooHoo, WooHoo for All” In parting may I suggest that we substitute the codeword Toeist for Racist as we wait for the Peoples New Variant.
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