Senate Removes Dress Code Because Senators Kept Getting Mistaken for Zombies

Panem Et Circenses

9/21/2023, 10:18 am

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Washington, DC — The US Senate recently made significant changes to the dress code by removing it completely.

The change allow Senators to dress anyway they want and some predict this will cause a loss of decorum and respect for the institution.  Others say it will allow Senators to more fully express who they truly are.


In any case, it has been rumored that the changes came about mainly because people kept mistaking Senator John Fetterman [D-PA] for a zombie whenever he appeared on the Senate floor in a suit.

As a senate staffer, who asked not to be named, stated, “he was this big, lumbering goof in a rumpled suit kind of staggering around. There were multiple cases of the sergeant-at-arms having to remove women from the gallery who were shrieking ‘ZOMBIES!’ when they saw him and other senators just staring off into space glassy-eyed.  I can’t blame them, there were times when it looked like ‘Night of the Living Dead’ on the floor. It was becoming a big distraction and I guess Chuck (Sen. Charles Schumer [D-NY]) decided this was the easiest solution.”


It appears this change may have caused new problems, however.  The staffer concluded “you can’t change a tiger’s stripes, though, right?  Fetterman is still a big, lumbering goof.  The way he dresses now, everyone thinks he’s a janitor.  People keep asking him to clean up coffee spills and change their trash.  Poor guy, he’s more confused than ever by all that.”