Quick! Get this man pain-killers instead of a pacemaker!

There are reports that Obamacare reform may be one of the first things addressed after President-elect Trump is sworn in (“Nuke it from orbit,” he may say, “it’s the only way to be sure”) and we’re certainly hoping it’s true. Because it’s “renewal time” again…by which we mean not only renewing our health insurance, but renewing our hatred and disgust with the whole furshlugginer process.

Currently, we are receiving multiple email and telephone messages daily warning that our access to health insurance will be cut off soon unless we provide a host of documents to prove what our income will be in 2017. Documents which are pretty freaking hard to come by for self-employed cartoonists and gadabout authors.

Adding to the fun, we have to change policies because Mrs. Jarlsberg has just started Medicare. Interestingly, taking one person off a two-person policy costs you 75% of your subsidy. Because, according to Healthcare.gov, “screw you.”

And speaking of Medicare, we just got a letter that Mrs. Jarlsberg’s rates are being doubled before her first day of coverage because the same government which says they lack enough information about our income has simultaneously decided that we have an income of several hundred thousand dollars a year. A number which is only off by several hundred thousand dollars. And not in a good way.

But wait! There’s more! The majority of policies being offered to us have only “restricted area” coverage – meaning if we’re more than 50 miles from our north Texas home when our car is hit head on (perhaps by an angry young Muslim hoping to get eternal boning privileges in return for killing aging infidels) that we’re not insured.

But at least if we stay home, we’ll have coverage – right? Not necessarily. Because it turns out that in a medical emergency (say, an aneurysm which explodes violently while waiting for the electoral college to finally take their damn vote) you may be taken to a hospital that accepts your insurance, but there’s no guarantee that the doctors who see you will accept your insurance. So again, no matter how much you’re spending on premiums, you’re not necessarily insured.

On a closing note, now that Texans are only offered HMO plans which funnel all medical treatment through a “gateway” doctor (and not the one Obama promised you could keep), we recently had our first visit with our assigned Personal Care Physician. We had intended it only as a friendly meet and greet, but for some reason, after only a brief conversation, the doctor wrote us a prescription for a powerful anti-anxiety medication and suggested that we fill it as soon as possible.

Which struck us as being the first and only thing about Obamacare which has been useful so far.