Comrades, there is treachery afoot. Reichwing teabagger Ted Cruz has stolen the Rethuglikkkan vote in Iowa, while Comrade Sanders and Our beloved MTE are still ceremonially mud-wrestling for the democratic vote. We were warned of this Cruz fellow in Septmber of 2013, return with us now to the “golden days of the People’s Cube…
25 Sep 2013, 13:58Ted Cruz is lousy and I hate him. He’s a stupid liar who’s bad and dangerous for America. Mark my words, he’ll take us straight back to the Dark Ages. Let Ted Cruz steal the election, and you’ll be saddled with the worst president ever since George W. Bush.
Speaking of George W. Bush, what he didn’t destroy–and you’d think he’d destroyed everything, but he’s so stupid that he’s certain to have overlooked something–and whatever that is, TedCruz will demolish it. Ted Cruz will finish anything George W. Bush started and make it even worse.
Ted Cruz is a stupid lying traitor who will end civilization as we know it. If, in spite of his total idiocy, he gets away with stealing the presidency, old people will be falling off cliffs everywhere. Mass starvation and homelessness and joblessness will be everywhere as we are forced to live in cardboard “Cruzvilles”.
I hate Ted Cruz because no thanks to him, the planet will relapse from its healing of the past few years, and the oceans will rise again.
Ted Cruz hates the planet, old people, children, immigrants, puppies, kittens, bunny rabbits, ladybugs, squirrels with big bushy tails, fluffy baby chicks that go cheep-cheep, and fluffy yellow ducklings that go quack-quack. He abhors science. And we all know how much he despises Obamacare. As the teabaggers’ demigod, it’s obvious Ted Cruz doesn’t care about anything except his God and his guns, as well as millionaires, billionaires, and fat cat corporate jet owners.
He wasn’t even born in the United States. He was born in Canada, yet his name is more commonly found in Mexico, so who knows where he’s really from? For all we know, his mother was a jackal and he was switched at birth. In fact, I’ll bet he’s the Antichrist the rightwing evangelical nutjobs think they see in every leader of the people from Lenin to Chavez to Obama. But it’s really Cruz. Think about it: No one knows where he’s really from, and his name means “cross” which has something to do with Jesus. Couple that with the inherent evil that embodies TedCruz, and that’s all the proof anyone needs.
Furthermore, Ted Cruz comes from the same state that cursed us with George W. Bush, Rick “Brain Fart” Perry and the Chainsaw Massacre. Watch that movie and you’ll get an idea of just what he intends to do with our sacred entitlement programs that make America great.
For if Ted Cruz is allowed to get away with stealing the Presidency from Hillary, rest assured he will proclaim himself dictator, and say stupid hateful things—like letting people keep more of their own money when they’re only going to squander it on themselves is somehow patriotic. Any nitwit will tell you that the moral and patriotic thing is to plead with the government to please, please raise your taxes, so they’ll have the necessary revenue to help those who rely on the government—because that’s what the government is for, and the government has made a sacred covenant with the people that they could always rely on it for everything, and for all eternity.
We will all be living in fear of our lives because of Ted Cruz’s bloodthirsty tyranny.
That’s all I have to say for now. Oh wait, one more thing . . . TedCruz is just like Hitler.
Last edited by Commissarka Pinkie on 25 Sep 2013, 21:40, edited 1 time in total.REASON: To add squirrels with big bushy tails to the list of things Ted Cruz hates but eats anyway.
Comrades, Amerikka has been warned…
And this just in, Hillary, the anointed and entitled, has announced victory in Iowa (wink, wink). Boy that was rough, who saw that coming?
Let’s get her nomination for her Nobel Peace prize back out of the files, change the dates and resubmit…
Utah Standard News depends on the support of readers like you.
Good Journalism requires time, expertise, passion and money. We know you appreciate the coverage here. Please help us to continue as an alternative news website by becoming a subscriber or making a donation. To learn more about our subscription options or make a donation, click here.
To Advertise on UtahStandardNews.com, please contact us at: email@example.com.