By USN Columnist Morgan Philpot / Dec 16, 2020

For those who demand a mask that offers a little more protection: you know who you are! I am taking pre-orders for these new “Holy Masks.” These masks have been:

-Prepared by socially distanced workers who meet all govt. social and economic justice standards.

-Washed in Holy Water-

Dabbed with Holy Oil-Rubbed on a new baby’s cute little piggy toe

-Rubbed by the licked fingers of your favorite grandmother

-Immunized by BigPharma

-Screened for any traces of #fakenews taint by BigTech

These masks are guaranteed to give you just as much assurance for your safety as anything else the government has told you this year.

Stay tuned for how to get yours!

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