San Francisco, CA — As a few, probably deep faked videos surface of people brazenly walking into stores and running out without paying for the items in their hands, California authorities are responding with impressive statistics.
A California law decriminalizing some victimless offenses – like theft – went into effect in 2014 and was reportedly inspired by the “impressive work being done at the Federal Level” to decrease crime at the United State’s southern border with Mexico.
Bill Williamson, a congressional staffer in California, noted “We made property crimes less than $1,000 not a crime anymore. Guess what happened? Crime went down! That’s right – the statistics clearly show a decrease in property crimes. Amazing, right? We’ve also found a marked decrease in incarcerations since the law came into effect – an added benefit we did not see coming.”
He speculated that decriminalizing other things – like property damage, fraud, possibly murder – could decrease crime statistics even further. “Think of the savings to the court systems, police departments, prisons, the parole system – I could go on and on. I think this is a real game changer in law enforcement.”
He continued to talk about the possible changes in the future but added hastily, “Don’t worry, though – we will never decriminalize gun control infractions.”
South Africa – where they are asked to ‘loot responsibly’?
Responsible looting: yet another American export! You are welcome, world.
Statistics do not lie.
When Austinisburg, Texazistan’s city council statistically and randomly selected $50 limit on shop lifting charges, shopping Austinisburg became so much easier.
Responsible shoplifting is important, comrades.
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