Far be it from us to put words (or, like Bill Clinton, anything else) in Hillary’s mouth, but as nearly as we can tell this is actually the economic plan that the former first lady is pitching to voters in the event she’s made Demon-queen of the United States: she will attack the only economic sector which isn’t actively collapsing.

Of course, unlike Bernie Sanders, Hillary is utterly insincere in her claims to be Wall Street’s worst enemy. She relies on their donations, their political influence, and their willingness to pay millions upon millions of dollars to Chelsea’s numbnut husband who recently lost 90% of the value of a hedgefund he was running.

Mind you, she’s not completely lying about changing Wall Street rules…at least when it comes to poor schnooks like those in the middle class who just want to build their retirement accounts. Hillary is currently planning on making it more difficult and expensive for anyone to invest (citizens will be required to work with government-certified investment counselors who will charge hefty fees), as well as making it harder to buy and sell stocks without hanging onto them for extended periods.

The rationale isn’t hard to figure out: Progressives are against anything which might further enable individualism and self-responsibility…like prudent investing. Basically, the Left gives you only two choices: you can be a ward of the state, or an enemy of the state. And if Hillary is elected, those choices will get real teeth.

But on a lighter note…

BONUS: SHOCK AND ODD

We think Hillary Clinton deserves an Olympic trophy for the most bizarre – and yet most believable – political statement of the last week.

When it was pointed out that she claimed FBI Director Comey had said she was entirely truthful in her statements about her secret private email server (when videotape showed him saying exactly the opposite), the fast-thinking cyborg started wafting wifts of smoke from her ears, vibrating wildly, then gasped that the discrepancy in statements occurred because she had a “short-circuit.”

Frankly, we admire her candor in finally coming out of the cyber-closet and admitting that she’s an Assembled-American. And despite being inhuman, we’ll also point out that if she’s elected (albeit electrified) that it will still represent a historic shattering of the flesh ceiling.